What Have I Done?
by Iridescent Hope
Summary: Kirie reflects on what had happened, before, during, and after her death.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kirie. I don't own any of the characters of Fatal Frame. This is slightly AU, as I'm guessing as to what happened in the Blinding Ritual and who the lady was, and I'm guessing about the name of Kirie's love. I mean, if his carbon copy is Mafuyu, why can't he be Mafuya? It's a little... confusing... mainly her thoughts before, during, and after her death.   
  
  
  
  
I knelt down, bowed my head, and clasped my hands together. The pale moonlight trickled down through the grating above my head, illuminating the wall in front of me slightly. I needed to pray, needed to be purified for the ritual.  
  
The ritual that would fail, I thought bitterly.   
  
I can't be bitter, though, I thought. I'm not allowed to be bitter. Might make some attachment to this world. I must be happy, cheerfull, and clueless! Sighing, I shook my head. It's too late for that. I'm going to fail. And there's no other priestess, no other Rope Shrine Maiden, to take my place.   
  
I knew I shouldn't have follwed Mafuya. I should have listened to the priests. Yet, I had listened to the priests. I never looked out that window again... but I ran into him, in the garden. He taught me so much about the flowers! It was wonderful!  
  
And they killed him. I frowned. Kill him, because I loved him. Killed him because of me.   
  
Killed... no! It's not fair! First my mother, than Mafuya...!  
  
My mother...  
  
Even then, 3669 days after, a little over ten years after the incident, I could still clearly remember what had happened. I could still see so clearly what had happened...  
  
*flashback*  
  
Kirie stood next to the man in the funny mask. The robes she wore were far too large and made it hard for her to move. "What's going on?" she asked, tugging on the hem of the man's robe. He ignored her.  
  
"Kirie!" Turning to face the source of the cry, Kirie's eyes widened as she saw her mother dragged in, her arms held by two men. "Kirie! I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry!"  
  
"Mommy?" Confused, she stepped forward to go to her mother. The man in the mask stopped her, putting his arm out in front of her, and pushed her back. "But she's my mommy! Why can't I see her?"  
  
Turning to face her, the man in the mask glared down at Kirie. The mask changed and distorted, becoming an image that she would only have seen in her worst nightmare. Biting down on her lower lip hard to keep from crying out, she looked down at her feet.   
  
"The ritual shall begin." The man picked up a small mask from its holder and held it up high. "It is the 26th day of the 11th month! The Maiden, Kirie, has been chosen! Her tie to this world shall now begin to be severed!"  
  
What is going on? Kirie thought, daring to look up slightly. Her mother had fallen to her knees and was sobbing, fighting to get free of the men. What are they doing with Mommy?  
  
"The Blinding Mask calls for the blood of the Maiden's mother!" Eyes widening again, Kirie looked up at the man, and at the mask he was holding.  
  
The Blinding Mask, he had called it. It looked like it would only cover the eyes, maybe the nose, of whoever wore it. Two long, thin spikes jutted out of the eye holes in the mask. Are they... are they going to put that on Mommy? she thought, horrified.   
  
"No!" Struggling, her mother tried to stand up again, only to be shoved back down by one of the men. The man with the mask made a noise, a cross between a laugh and a cough, and cruelly shoved the mask onto her mother's face.  
  
The men dropped her arms as she fell forward, clawing at her face. Grabbing the edges of the mask, the man pulled it off, splattering a trail of blood. "My eyes," she moaned, clawing at her face. "My eyes..."  
  
*end flashback*  
  
"And she died two days later..." I paused, shocked. I had started talking outloud without realizing it. Was I losing my mind? Is this what love did to you? I pushed the thought away, refusing to accept that. Love did't make you go insane! Love was heavenly and good! Isn't that what the priests always told me?  
  
... then why did they kill the man I loved?  
  
I felt troubled, confused, and scared. Nothing made sense anymore. Before, before I had met Mafuya, I blindly accepted everything that the priests told me. I never questioned them. Were they wrong? What's right? What am I supposed to do?  
  
... is this ritual right?  
  
No! You can't think that! Of course it is! The Himuro's wouldn't have allowed it to continue for so long if it wasn't.  
  
... would they?  
  
My mind was troubled when the priest came for me the next day. Numbly, I nodded and stood, preparing to follow him. Preparing for the ritual. The Strangling Ritual.  
  
I hardly felt the ropes as they tied them to me, first my right arm, then my left. Right leg, then left. Then my neck.  
  
I hardly felt the tighten, the agonizing pull as my bones, skin, tendons stretched to their breaking point, Yet, I must have... I remember a pain beyond anything I had ever felt. Pulling not from my limbs, though, but from my heart.   
  
And a horrible snapping. It was all over. Except...  
  
Except I had failed...  
  
I had killed my love, my mother...  
  
I killed my family. The priests who tried to protect me from Mafuya. The Himuro Master, who always treated me kindly. The priestess, and the other Maidens being trained.  
  
I killed them all.  
  
Malice was unleashed.  
  
"It's all my fault..."  
  
But, no! Years went by as I stayed there, forced there by the Malice. No, it wasn't my fault! It was their fault!  
  
My mother volunteered for me to be the Maiden. She knew what would happen. The priests, they killed my love. My love, Mafuya, who simply wanted to teach me about the flowers.   
  
Teach me about life.  
  
"It wasn't their fault though! It wasn't anyone's fault. They didn't mean to try and, try and hurt you. They did want to protect you. You failed at your duty. You need to fix what you did wrong, you need to purify your soul and repent for you sin."  
  
Never! They killed everyone I cared for, they killed me. It's their fault.   
  
"... Kirie... I'm sorry..."  
  
I'm sorry...  
  
I'm sorry...  
  
What have I done? 


End file.
